a farewell

"Cancer", he said. 

She was a widow, his father having died some 5 years before. I had never met the mother but thought that, for Jimmy's sake, I should drop in. But my niece, Lili, demurred.

"You are older than her, you shouldn't go", she said. I thought that rather odd coming from a girl wearing atrociously short shorts and wearing pedak, which was drying white on her face. 

"Besides", she added, with an angry toss of her brown (dyed) head of hair, "I didn't like him not wearing black. No respect for even his own mother! He should not come at all!" 

The funeral was not over yet, and it was bad luck his coming. Yes, my niece is certainly a stickler for the old rules and regulations. She would not concede that Jimmy's generation, her generation, might not have heard of this taboo.

If I had thought Lili lacking in authority, unexpected support came from her aunt, my sister, who knows a lot about such things "Peh mor bo sang or mor", she muttered.  She would have washed her face thoroughly, bathed and worn clean clothes and refrained from visiting anyone.

"And", she added, turning to my wife, "Do you remember 12 years ago when my friend's widow came and said her husband had died, and she announced that while drinking her coffee, and her husband had not even been put into the coffin!"

One lives and learns, I thought. 

I had a quick fried koay tiau, then dropped in. The wake was a quiet affair. Buddhist chants were being played on the tape very softly so as not to annoy the neighbours in the terrace house neighbourhood.  A few friends of Jimmy were there chatting about this and that Jimmy L was not in black. I was introduced to handful of relatives. None wore black.  I was served the traditional ground nuts and Chinese tea. The conversation ran to funerals and how much they cost. 

One of his friends, the one working in a hotel, said funerals cost a lot. Coffins were now expensive, going for RM4700. Jimmy's uncle said that that was nothing. In the past the rich would import their coffins from Kweichow,  famous for its coffins. There was an old saying, he said which goes: Live in Hangchow, eat in Kwangchow, marry in Soochow and die in Kweichow. A woman asked him to repeat the jingle. He obliged. 

I mentioned that I had read a book written by someone in the University of  Malaya which said the shape of the old style coffins scared people, and that is why they fell out of favour. 

Jimmy's uncle snorted. "The fellow does not know what he's talking about! Ah yah! We Chinese are not afraid of death. My grandfather bought his coffin ready for the day and kept it in the house.  When one of the sons of Foo Yet Kai of Ipoh struck a lottery he bought 50 coffins for the poor. That is the Chinese tradition. I remember in Telok Anson many years ago, it was after the rains and coffins were brought out to dry in the sun. And there was a bungalow along North Beach where a coffin was regularly dried in the sun. And I know that Leong Yin Khean kept a large coffin in his  house. Those big coffins went out of fashion because they were too expensive, that's why. And nowadays where do you get the eight coolies needed to lift them!"

"16, or even 32, if they are made in China", said uncle's friend, an old man of perhaps 80.

Someone said that coffin shops now offered packages. Three nights plus priest and a small band plus getting the police burial permit and coffin cost RM9400.  At RM3,000 to 4000 you could get a 3 or 5 day package; praying essentials were provided and meals prepared for expected visitors, either fried mee or moey with sweets thrown in. If the rites were more elaborate, to include kong teik. the extra could cost as much as RM50,000, depending on how elaborate the house was. Janet, the one who asked uncle to repeat the jingle,  said she had seen a house exquisitely done. She was told that it had been built by the Indonesian baby maid,  whose employer, the boss of the paper shop, discovered she had good hands and a talent for colour. This was not permitted by the girl's work permit but it made good business. 

Tee Gay came in while we were in the middle of eating mee. He said he had kept his father's funeral simple. Altogether it had cost them RM14,500 and that included RM8000 for the coffin, burial, food for 5 days and not including prayers. For prayers they had decided on Buddhist nuns and that cost RM5000 for 5 days. For kong teik they had decided something less elaborate than a paper house, and instead had ordered a chair for the spirit of the deceased, which he believed to be Taoist/Chinese practice. This part of the ceremony cost RM600 because they said they needed four persons (a shameless exaggeration) to carry the chair, but it was included in the RM14,500 overall charge

When someone asked if it wasn't too expensive he said his grandmother's funeral 20 years ago cost $20,000, which included burial and hong sui. In his father's case it was cremation.

I learnt from Jimmy that as there were no priests there would be no koay keo.  Nor would there be pang k'or chnee. 

Tee Gay's wife shocked me. She had on a T shirt with "ELTON JOHN" boldly printed in red letters. She ought to have known that red was not welcome. The choice of colour, if indeed it was a choice, was surprising seeing that it is now the fashion for young people like her to wear black, even to wedding parties. But Jimmy's uncle was too polite to say anything. 

Uncle's friend, Yan C, looked at the woman's blouse with obvious disapproval. 

He commented, "I remember attending a funeral when the second son wore a a red sash across his shoulder and was put on a horse to lead the funeral possession. This was because father had great grandchildren. And there was a bamboo pole with a red ribbon tied to its end carried before him.  My mother said the choice was because he had an elder brother and younger ones after him. Oo tua, oo say, she explained."

Mrs Cheah, a retired school teacher said: "I have never seen a horse in the procession. That must have been long ago. But I have been to one where the great grandson wore the red"

She turned to her friend, a widow called Mrs Lim, as if for support. 

Mrs Lim thought hard and recalled that the male chosen must be snioh leng.

Yan C said: "That would be very difficult to find"

Mrs Lim, as if by way of summing up: "That's a problem for the very rich"

Kar Chee, the one working in the hotel, said the Christians were more sensible They had a simple church service and then the funeral and it cost less. But plots were hard to get. The Christian cemetery at Western Road was full and they were even digging up the lanes; so more and more people were choosing cremation

At 10.30, Sally, a rather tall girl with a grim smile, greeted Jimmy with a handshake. She had come from KL on the anniversary of her father's death and heard of the passing of his mother. Her father was from Penang and wanted to be cremated and his ashes thrown into the sea off Batu Ferringhi. She came up once a year to throw flowers into the sea on the anniversary. 

Jimmy asked, "Was it because he could not get a plot in the cemetery?" 

"Oh no!" she explained. "He was being modern and did not want to be remembered with a tombstone and all that."

A woman looking solemn came in about 11 o'clock.  Jimmy said she used to work in the same bank as his mother. 

She spoke to Jimmy in a whisper, "Your mother dreamt of your father the week before he died. He has come to call me to join him she said". 

The solemn woman recognised  a friend and drifted off.

In the distance a frog croaked. It had rained heavily the night before. Ah Lan, an unhappy looking woman who was dressed in white, said frogs bring luck. Mrs Lau, a rather stout woman who had come in with her, said, "My niece went to Phuket recently and came back with a frog which she gave me. If you ran a stick along the spine it sounded exactly like a frog croaking. I was happy with the present until my husband said he had looked up his book of superstitions. There was a passage about frogs bringing death to the house. I was a bit worried you know until the mee seller advised me to put a coin it its mouth. "All evil will be bought and will go away" she said.

It was getting late and I looked around to see if there was a "white gold " box into which to put my donation. Long long ago "white gold" meant the bringing of "paper money" to the house of the dead but the practice died out when the unused excess paper became an embarrassment. Instead the more sensible practice of  money donations took its place. This had the additional merit of being useful  for families who find funerals a financial burden. My wife saw it being passed round and when it came to me I slipped in the packet of RM100 and left. 

My wife was not pleased that the tin was simply passed around. Someone should have been in charge and noted down who donated. You have to let the relatives know and you have to write and thank the donors, she grumbled She had forgotten that the money had always been put into a white envelope with the donor's name and address, but it was not the time or place to make unwelcome comments, so I kept my mouth shut

Instead I said inconsequentially, "I remember Yan C stood on a stool and had to wear seven suits of clothing before they were put on his father's body, but I suppose you don't do it for a woman"

I did not ask when the funeral was for that would be decided by the temple people who would choose 3 days or 5 or 7 for body to lie in waiting. I guessed Jimmy L would have chosen three days for economic reasons but I made some excuse for not attending and left. Big blobs of rain fell as we got into the car to go home. 

My wife said, "That Elton John woman will get wet" #

K L Chai

hong sui: feng shui
kong teik: the ceremony of burning of the paper house, often with a paper mercedes car, to serve the deceased in his other world, done with the fire brigade in attendance
koay keio: crossing of the bridge, sometimes made of stools arranged in line
mee:  noodles
moey: soft, soupy rice
oo tua oo say: having the big as well as the small
pang k'or chnee: releasing the bitter money. A ceremony where the ashes of the burnt money together with the coins thrown into the fire are gathered and taken by boat to be dumped into the sea. 
pedak:  rice powder
peh mor bo sang or mor:  white hair does not attend the funeral of black hair
snioh leng: born a dragon
sweets: usually two tied together with red string and given to guests as they left. Purpose: to take the bitterness off the occasion.

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