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Tradition
Poh Choo's wedding
The end of ceremonies |
| A chin chuey wedding (11) The bridegroom also saw the smile on his father's face and he knew he had pleased his old man immensely.... THE LANTERN and banner bearers and the musicians were once more assembled and arranged in order. Just as the procession started to move off, a barrage of fire-crackers exploded at the front of the bride's house. This time the procession attracted greater public attention right from the start, as the decorated car contained the bride and the bridegroom. People on the five-foot-ways on both sides of the route had a clear view ù but the women and girls peeping through the louvres ol their windows upstairs strained their neck and their eyes just to catch a glimpse of the wedding couple. There's nothing that stirs up more interest, excitement and fancy in the minds of the unmarried girls than an old-fashioned Chinese marriage procession, with its big lanterns, banners, drums, gongs, oboes and cymbals, and the decorated car conveying the bride and bridegroom dressed in ceremonial garments. Even if they couldn't get a peek at the newly-weds, they could at least admire the young men in the procession. As soon as the procession reached the bridegroom's place, crackers were fired on the roadside. The Mistress of Ceremonies and Meh Ah Lian had arrived earlier to ensure that things were ready for the next phase of the ceremonies. They observed that many guests had assembled and among those in the front hall were a number of elderly gentlemen who chatted in the Hakka dialect. The front hall of Lim's residence was large and backed against the mid-portion of the partition that separated the front and second hall was the family altar. In the centre of this altar stood an 18-inch tall porcelain statue of Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy. It stood on an ebony pedestal and was enclosed in a rectangular glass-cage framed with black hardwood. In front of it was a glazed incense pot resting on a carved block, and in the pot were three lighted incense sticks. To the left of this statue were three wooden tablets with gold writing on them. The two taller ones were in memory of Lim's deceased parents and the shorter one, of his late wife. Before these tablets was an incense pot, also with three lighted incense sticks stuck in it. |
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In front of the altar was a lacquered square table on which were arranged
several plates of cakes and fruits. The front of this table was draped
with a piece of tapestry bearing the embroidered figures of the gods of
Prosperity, Longevity and Happiness. The tea ceremony Although Lim Ah Keow was not a religious person, he respected other people's beliefs. The altar was put up by his wife who worshipped Kuan Yin, and as he loved his wife dearly, he maintained the altar to keep alive his memory of her. He had agreed that the newly-weds should pay obeisance to the family deity and to the spirits of his parents, for he knew that if his wife were alive, she would have wanted this to be done. So, when the bride and bridegroom entered the hall, they were directed to stand on the rug facing the altar. Then what had earlier been done at the bride's place by way of worship was repeated here. When it came to the tea-serving ceremony, there was one point of difference: Lim Ah Keow took the seat on the right, facing the door, while the left one was for the spirit of his late wife. He was dressed in a grey silk Chinese gown, buttoned up on one side, and he wore silk socks and thick-soled Chinese hand-made shoes. With his gold-rimmed glasses and trimmed moustache, he looked an austere gentleman, dignified, calm and very confident of himself. Tea was served first to the spirit of the bridegroom's late mother. The couple bowed thrice to the empty seat and a cup of tea on a tray was placed on it, and the Mistress of Ceremonies said respectively: "Nai-Nai, please take your tea." Though it was purely a symbolic gesture, it had its emotional value to Lim and his son. Lim's paternal aunt placed a red packet on the tray on his deceased wife's behalf. When tea was served to Lim Ah Keow, he slowly raised the cup to his lips and smiled at the bride before he sipped the tea. The bride, through her veil, saw the smile, and it made her very happy. From that moment she respected and adored her father-in-law. The bridegroom also saw the smile on his father's face and he knew that he had pleased his old man immensely because he had obediently accepted without question, a bride chosen for him. Lim placed in the tray which had a sheet of red paper on it, a pair of diamond bracelets for the bride, and a gold pocket watch with a gold chain, for the bridegroom. Tea was then served to Lim's wife's elder brother and to his wife, followed by his wife's younger brother and his wife, one after the other. There were no other senior relatives to be offered tea, so the ceremony ended at this point. And as there was no further procession, the musicians and the others were allowed to go. The newly-weds retired to Ah Phin's room upstairs to rest awhile and to change attire before returning to the bride's place. |
| Bride
teasing While the bridegroom changed into his own clothes in another room, the sarng-keh-myn who had brought a change of dress and footwear for Poh Sim, relieved the bride of her ceremonial headgear and garments and replaced them carefully in the stout cardboard boxes specially made for them. Over the white coat and trousers which she wore for the hair-combing ceremony, Poh Sim put on a long-sleeved, pink, short kebaya and wore a batik sarong with a floral design and held up with a silver belt. The sarng-keh-myn touched up her coiffure, adjusted the five gold hair-pins, added a bit of rouge to her cheeks and a bit of black to her eyebrows and deepened the red on her lips. Within another twenty minutes, the bride was ready to go. She had on a pair of gold and silver thread slippers. The three diamond brooches that fastened the front of her kebaya sparkled as she moved. She did not wear socks and it was clearly seen that she had well-formed ankles and feet. The bridegroom, in a light beige suit with a corsage of fresh orchids on the left lapel, and wearing a dark-brown necktie and dark-brown leather shoes, waited for Poh Sim as she came down, with the sarng-keh-myn beside her. Seeing how beautiful the bride was, Ah Phin was filled with joy and when the young couple smiled at each other, everyone in the house was happy, none happier than Lim Ah Keow, who was sure the marriage would be a success. Lim Ah Keow was far ahead of his time in his attitude towards life and society, and without knowing it, was one of the early pioneers of his generation for social reform. He had stressed that the 'third day' ceremonies, as traditionally observed, were not based on logic. He could not understand why the newly-weds must wait until the third day after the wedding before they could be formally introduced to his friends. He desired that on the evening of the wedding day, when (according to custom) he gives a dinner to his friends, the new couple should be present so that he could introduce them to the gathering. Why must he wait until after the third day? Another practice he could not agree with was the 'twelve day custom' in which the bridegroom in a chin-chuey marriage leaves the bride's house at crack of dawn each day and returns only at sundown, for twelve consecutive days. In some of the more conservative nyonya households, they even stretched this custom to a thirty-day affair. Yet another practice he could not accept was the boisterous and crude 'bride-teasing session' which customarily took place in the bridal chamber on the wedding night. In his view, it was senseless to subject the new couple to rude and crude fun-making by half-drunk men, who were out to satisfy their own self-conceit at the expense of the young and inexperienced newly-weds. To him, it was unnecessary for the bride's side to furnish proof of the bride's virginity, as he had absolute faith and confidence in the chastity of the widow's daughters, knowing how she had brought them up. "Moreover," he pointed out, "insistence on proof of virginity could lead to abuses and trickery, for how could a layman know the difference between stale human blood and animal blood?" |
| Third day ceremonies What was really important and necessary, Lim Ah Keow stressed, was a marriage document. It could be in English or in Chinese, stating the names and ages of the bridegroom and bride, the date and addresses where the marriage ceremonies took place, the names and signatures of the parents (in this case, only the signature of the living parent) and the names and signatures of two responsible witnesses. Lim was the sort of man who could brook no nonsense and he was forthright - yet, he could get on well with our widow, the Mistress of Ceremonies and Meh Ah Lian, because he always took the middle course. At every discussion he had had with them, he always said: "You do what you wish done in your house; but, please allow me to have my own way in my own house." Therefore, our widow agreed to put aside the 'third day' formalities, and she allowed the newly-weds, as requested by Lim, to join the guests at the dinner given by him at his residence on the night of the wedding, so that he could introduce them to his friends. Thus, at about seven that night, the bride and bridegroom arrived at the Lim residence when almost all the guests had assembled. When the host and the couple stood at the entrance to the dining hall, all the guests rose from their seats. They were astonished as it was not customary at that period for a bride to attend the wedding dinner given by her father-in-law. All eyes were glued on the newly-weds. The bridegroom, wearing a smart dark serge suit, a white stiff-front shirt with collar and black bow-tie, and shod with shiny black leather shoes, looked handsome, and held himself well. The bride also captured instant attention. They admired her distinctive coiffure and ornate hair-pins, her attractive light, long kebaya fastened by three diamond-encrusted gold brooches, and her eyecatching batek sarong. She wore her sparkling diamond earrings, gold bracelets, anklets, jade rings and a pair of gold and silver slippers. They were indeed a splendid couple to behold. Following the example of Mr MacDonald (the Agent of the European bank) and his wife, all the guests clapped their hands to show their appreciation of the honour extended to them. This took the bride by surprise and she blushed. The bridegroom to give her confidence, put his left arm around her left shoulder and gently pressed it. He, too, was surprised by such an unexpected ovation, but he was not flustered. One of the bridegroom's uncles ushered the couple to their seats at the main table, reserved for the host, the MacDonalds, Tuan MacDanby and Meh Ah Lian, and an elderly Chinese tycoon with his wife. There were eight tables in all, each a round table for ten persons. The majority of the guests were Chinese merchants, some of them leaders of the Hakka community, about a score of Europeans (senior bank staff and planters), a few Indian traders and a few Malays (Government officials) with their wives. |
| Box gramophone at
dinner It was a select gathering and the guests could see that the host was unusually happy and jovial. In those days, it was a matter of prestige among the Chinese, to celebrate a happy event, particularly a marriage feast, in one's house. Only those without their own home, held their functions in a restaurant. Lim Ah Keow was a good host and he always planned things well. For his Malay and Indian guests, he had special menus for them, prepared by well-known caterers of Malay and Indian food. For the other guests, he served Chinese food prepared by the best Hakka restaurant in town. They produced a typically top-grade Hakka dinner of seven courses, each a speciality. It was a sumptuous dinner with dishes of pork, chicken, duck, abalonc, sea-slugs, fish and mushrooms. There were two soups each enriched with aromatic bark, Chinese wine and invigorating herbs. The Hakka guests w,ould not be satisfied with anything less substantial, and o host felt that a Hakka feast like this one would provide a new gastronomic experience to his European friends. The host saw to it that there was an abundant supply of Hennessy and Scotch Whisky ù brandy for the Chinese and Indians, and whisky for the Europeans. One innovation brought in by Lim to create a festive atmosphere was the introduction of soft background music supplied through a box gramophone with a large horn, which was placed at one corner of the dining-hall and operated by one of his office peons. Lim had a good selection of records with melodious Hungarian, Mexican, Continental, Chinese and Malay tunes. He believed that good food and good music would promote conviviality. The courses were served one after the other, and when the fifth one was being brought in, the host and the newly-weds stood up, and Lim invited those at their table to drink with them ù after which, he thanked them for their attendance. The three of them then went from table to table, to pay their respects to the guests, to invite them to drink with them and to thank them. Only at two tables where the host's cronies had got together, did the three meet with some anxious moments. At one of these tables, two of the guests challenged Lim to drink with them, and when the host parried them, they challenged the bridegroom to take his father's place. One of them even insisted that the blushing bride must give him face and drink with him, holding up to her a neat glass of brandy. Those were indeed embarrassing moments, and to Poh Sim it was a frightening experience. The situation each time, fortunately, was saved by other friends of the host, seasoned and great drinkers these, who counter-challenged the trouble makers and subdued them. So enjoyable was the function that it made the host happy to hear frequent calls for yam-seng by guests in different parts of the hall, and ejaculations of hau-hau (which meant 'good ... good') coming from many of his Hakka friends, acknowledged to be food connoisseurs. |
| The dinner was a great
success. Everyone enjoyed the food and the drinks and they heartily congratulated
the host and the bridegroom. It was obvious that they were impressed by
the bride, who smiled most of the time. The dinner ended around 9.45 and by 10.15 all the guests had left. "Let him do what he wants, but he will not hurt you...even if it hurts, it will bring you a sweet and marvellous experience." It was past 10.30 when the young couple left Lim's house to return to the widow's place. Before they left, Lim handed to his son two red cylindrical cardboard containers, each a foot long and one and a half inches in diameter, and in each was the marriage document. The documents had been signed by our widow and Meh Ah Lian, the latter as one of the main witnesses before the wedding day. It made Lim profoundly pleased when at the time, of their departure, the bride called him 'Papa' and asked for his permission to leave. And when the couple got back to the bride's place, it made our widow extremely happy when the bridegroom addressed her as 'Mama', giving her the heart-warming feeling that she had acquired another son. It was an excellent thing for both households that the marriage got off with such a good start. As it was getting late, Poh Sim's mother told them to retire, for they had gone through a strenuous day, adding that she had placed in their room a bowl of bird's nest chicken soup. She knew from personal experience that the couple could not have eaten much at the dinner due to the excitement and stress of the day's events. Before taking the soup, Ah Phin said to his bride: "Let us be comfortable" and straightaway he took off his jacket, bow-tie, stiff collar and shirt, shoes and socks, to create an atmosphere of informality. Poh Sim, on her part, took off all the jewellery she wore, and finally the five gold hairpins replacing them with three suasa (copper-gold alloy) pins. She also took off her short kebaya revealing a tight-fitting corset. Then she replaced the jewellery in a lacquer box kept in the almeirah. Ah Phin watched her with great interest, observing how carefully she did everything. Having freed themselves of encumbrances, they were ready to take the soup. Now, it was Poh Sim who fed her husband. So quickly had they become friends and so ably had Ah Phin built up his wife's confidence in herself that she was able to get over most of her inhibitions. But when it came to further undressing to change into sleeping attire, the bride could not entirely shake off her shyness. She went into a corner screened by the mosquito-net at one end of the bed, and Ah Phin not wishing to embarrass her, took the corner at the other end of the bed. When they emerged, Poh Sim was wearing only the light coat and short trousers that she wore for the hair-combing ceremony, and Ah Phin was in silk pyjamas. |
| Without her corset,
Ah Phin could see that his bride had luscious breasts, standing firmly
up. Under the bright lamp, they stood looking at each other for two or
three seconds, then Ah Phin made the first move. He took Poh Sim's hands
in his (her hands were rather cold) and gently drew her to him. She looked
up at him (he was at least five inches taller) and smiled and her shyness
faded away. He kissed her lightly on one cheek and then on the other cheek.
Then he kissed her fully on her lips. This was the first time she was kissed
by a man and she liked it, for he did it well and it gave her a wonderful
feeling. She felt a mysterious warmth flowing through her body She just
closed her eyes and clasped her arms around his warm, strong body. He kissed
her a second time on the lips ù this time, passionately. She responded
and sucked his lips softly. It thrilled her. It was so very nice. At the
same time, she felt something massive and warm stirring around the region
above her navel. Sensing that the time was appropriate, Ah Phin raised himself on his toes and stretching up his right hand to the flame regulator, slowly turned the light dim. Then he held her closer to him and kissed her a third time: warmly and clingingly. She responded fully, unabashedly. The sarng-keh-myn had told her in the morning that she should not get scared when the moment arrived. "Let him do what he wants but he will not hurt you," she had assured her: "but, even if it hurts, it will bring you a sweet and marvellous experience." With the sarng-keh-myn's final advice ringing in her ears, and feeling a strange, tingling happiness coursing through her, she was prepared to allow her husband to do whatever he wanted to do with her. And when they had stripped completely, she saw the full glory of his manhood, and when they were about to come together, she called him 'Ah Phin Koh' (Koh meaning Elder Brother), signifying that she recognised him to be the stronger one, the superior one ù therefore, he must be gentle with her for in his hands lay her happiness and her future. Her husband, looking into her eyes which were full of adoration for him, caught the tacit message and understood why she addressed him as the elder one and he treated her with tenderness, taking care not to hurt her. Despite all his care it did hurt at the moment of entry ù but only for two, or three seconds. After that, it was sheer bliss. Then, when the moment of supreme ecstasy arrived and they melted into each other, spontaneously, out of the depths of his soul, he whispered into her ear: "Darling .. .my darling." Their joy was warm, deep, completely satisfying. They felt so totally relaxed that within a few moments, they slipped into a wonderfully sweet slumber in each other's arms. Since that memorable, never-to-be-forgotten night, she always addressed him as 'Ah Phin Koh' and he always called her 'Darling.' # Eleventh and final extract from Chin Kee Onn's "Twilight of the Nyonyas" - A chin chuey marriage in Ipoh Previous installment |
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