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Women
Discarded wives - winner takes all
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I AM PROMPTED to write this article at the expense of being shouted down at, receive negative and hysterical sms and maybe a death threat or two. But let me state here that I am not attacking any one in particular or getting personal but am observing the trend of gender relations, marriage patterns and the institutions that reinforce such trends in our society. Undoubtedly people may want to throw stones at me (ala Iranian style) or send nasty sms through their unregistered number (ala Malaysian style) but do give “ a voice in the wilderness” a chance to be heard. Though some may argue that there are bigger political issues, let me state here that marriage trends and gender relations form one of the main foundation of any civilized society. Almost all the English and Malay newspapers and a prominent TV station highlight second marriages of prominent and titled people with little sensitivity and concern for the sufferings of wives and children of first marriages. In quite recent times we read about celebrities marrying married men of high positions or about women kept as mistresses of these men. When we read that some social issues were brought up in parliament and a certain state assembly, again there was hardly any concern for wives who are dunceremoniouslyiscarded and the man sailing off with a young woman in his arms. Unlike some fiery speeches made on other issues, even if there was a polite rebuke on this social issue , it was too mild to make any impression or departing some humane values to the younger generation. And in Parliament recently, the concern was for the young man’s difficulty of getting a wife, as it seems that younger women preferred successful older men. The concern, I must say, was commendable but this is really side-stepping the core issue which is the total disregard for the woman who once had a husband and has been married for many years and getting older (so is the man, he gets older too but thinks he is still young). This new trend benefits the rich and the young at the expense of older women (and her children) which can be classified as an emotional and psychological abuse suffered by many first wives in Malaysian society. Each time such marriages took place I often did my own short survey asking opinion of friends, Muslims and non Muslims alike. Suffice to say that some Muslim women say it was Jodoh, an act willed by God, but when asked again if the man was their husband, their reaction would be different and the word Gatal was heard instead. Hence, here lies the lack of empathy for |
| other women besides themselves.
Some people, wanting to appear as GOOD people, would not want to comment,
thus allowing an injustice to continue, because maintaining a good image
is important to them. This reminds me of the saying that “The Road to Hell
is paved with people of good Intentions” Thus, who am I to speak for these women who are left behind when a young thing runs off with their husbands? First, let me say that statistics in Malaysia show that many single mothers with children are the result of husbands running off with with younger women. Second, the husband’s desire to take on second wife or partner is not due to mental compatibility with a younger women; because if this were a correct assumption, it would mean that as men get older their mental state become less mature so as to match that of a younger person. Third, many of these men have children of schooling age or younger, and these children usually suffer from the consequences of broken homes. Many social problems of the younger generation are related to these broken homes and neglect by the parents, including an absentee father figure. In addition, if the older generation sets a bad example by discarding their responsibility and betraying their established family, who can the young and youth emulate? Fourth, when marriage takes place between two persons as a social contract, which involves a social commitment based on trust, faithfulness and responsibilities, then how is this contract so easily broken after many years of marriage, that a man is free to find another person?? Is marriage in Malaysia so trivial that when a young thing comes along, out goes years of marriage and reproduction by the first wives? These are questions that our younger generation will ask and many have become disillusion when they see a BIG HURRAH to those who have succeeded in stealing what belongs to another. It is strange that in normal circumstances, the act of stealing something that belongs to someone else is considered a crime and, to a lesser degree, an act “deviant” in our society; stealing someone else's spouse is excepted. In sociological terms, this is called a transference of values in a culture where, before, the same act is considered negative but is now given a positive value. The act of aggression is now seen as something normal and, indeed, positive. Greed and lust are now highly prized values in our society. Thus as our nation moves towards an industrialized capitalistic nation, it evolves a new value system, a different set of values from the past, which seems to be heading towards the rapid erosion of humane values. Since when have Malaysians began endorsing self centred behaviour such positive publicity? It is as though others do not really matter, except when you are either rich, powerful (and popular) doing what is “right” by fulfilling only one’s one needs and desires?? The formation of a social ideology that promotes greed and self interest, grabbing whatever and whoever at the expense of others who are powerless have led to many social problems including material and moral corruption. Often we hear individuals in society calling for end to material corruption but equally damaging is the moral corruption that seems to erode human values here too. Such ideological rationale of self interest is encouraged further by other societal institutions amongst others often within certain religious interpretation and media participative hullabaloo. |
| Malaysian media
besides its profit oriented basis has a moral role to play in incalculating
some moral and humane values to the young and old in our society. The
formation of a social ideology, must be balanced and not totally based
on greed and lust, obliviousness to the sufferings of others.
And that the philosophy of the ends justify the means
should be carefully treaded upon. We are all participant in creating
the quality of life and should aim at avoiding a society consisting
of people devoid of intrinsic human values. My sympathies are for the older Malaysian woman who must find it hard to live in a society that has so little empathy for women growing older and discarded by their partner mainly for the “sin” of getting older. And as society is youth oriented and the old always lose out in terms of physical appearances which has become a BIG criteria in seeking a newer partner. Thus has gender relations and marriage trend taken a turning for the worst? The new Gender Index to measure the position of women used by developed nations like Malaysia should include not only women’s political and economic standing but equally important is the cultural value given to women who have played their roles as mothers and wives. Women are not a consumer commodity to be cast aside when past the prime of their age.# Rohana Ariffin Penang |
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Child
Protection Society Penang 118A Scotland Road |
| ______ INDEX Point to the article
that you want to read,
and CLICK Index page Academic
freedom Baba sayings Book review Discarded
wives Divide and rule Food guide A heritage
restaurant Insects seen
The jungle war Letter from Pulau Tikus Story |
| _____________________ The Penang File Issue 49 |